I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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