if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
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he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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