very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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