Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
