# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
