At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
