So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
