i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I want her autograph on my taint
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
