i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
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How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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