i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
