I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
