i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
