lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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