sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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