yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
