you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
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I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
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They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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