I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
