i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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