They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
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He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
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I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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