im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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