I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't deserve a penis
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
