the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
be right there i have to get my cape
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
