You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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