Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
