with your own penis?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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