Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
