he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
