someone threw a dead crab at me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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