i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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