THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
