dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
