plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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