Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
