Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
