Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
