I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
