Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
