hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
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I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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