What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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