btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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