its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Terrible idea I love it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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