I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
