theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
