sarcasm needs its own font
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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