I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
then he tried to convert me to islam
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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