you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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