I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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