Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
