Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't deserve a penis
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
