Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
