mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
