Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize