If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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