Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
