the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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